By financial independence, I don’t mean independently wealthy. It means living within your means and striving to simplify your financial life. It means finding the lowest comfortable lifestyle, attaining it and appreciating it for what it is. If you are thinking, “what the hell does that mean?” its ok, it will make more sense as we go on.
For more years than I care to admit, I labored under the delusion that I would build my wealth, and live my dreams the American way and live happily ever after. I was successful however at proving that no matter how much you make; it will never be enough as long as you are merely focused on building wealth.
The Barbequian philosophy of financial independence incorporates at the core level being at peace with and grateful for who you are and what you have. There are basic needs that every human has, but there are degrees of luxury within those needs that can go from the most basic to the most opulent and excessive. The trick is to be in a place personally and spiritually that allows you to determine what that minimum common lifestyle is, free from the influence of the ego. And on the flip side, if you will let go of the ego enough to honestly explore this issue you will find that the more you simplify, the more you grow.
I grew up in a wealthy environment for the better part of my life. My father is a successful entrepreneur and he provided what anyone would call a privileged lifestyle to my family. We lived in the resort city of Cuernavaca, Morelos just south of Mexico City on a paradisiacal estate with maids, gardeners and all the luxuries money can buy. I was a very lucky person in the eyes of many and I was a cursed person in the eyes of others -and both were right. My parents were very religious people and we were brought up under the philosophy that “obedience is greater than sacrifice” and we were all pretty gung-ho about our beliefs and our religion. We all grew up to hold positions of leadership in our church and we all learned that entrepreneurial drive from dad, which carried over to our adult lives as a great foundation for living “the good life”. At the risk of inspiring the need to deploy the Waaaaaahmbulance, while we had all the luxuries a human can want, I can honestly say that I do not know my dad. While driving a brand new sports car from the time I was 15 was pretty cool, I would have given anything for my dad to go camping with me, or take me fishing, or just spend some time with me. And while I don’t mean to demonize my father, because he is a great guy, was a wonderful example to a child, a generous man with his family and everyone around him, and he definitely blessed more lives than I will ever know, my point is that money isn’t everything and in fact, it is almost nothing in the realm of what is truly important. And yet we spend most of our life chasing after it.
I have to chuckle when I see these late night ads for programs that you can buy to teach you how to create wealth. I find it interesting how over the years they have evolved from the “get rich quick” of the 80’s to the philosophy of creating wealth so you can help others – through a business model based in “integrity”, “honesty,” “a desire to help others”, etc. This has a huge appeal to a populace of a new millennium with a broad focus on political correctness, sensitivity, and enlightenment, where the so called “New Age” thing is increasingly chic and religion is becoming a central part of life again. The marketing of these programs is very effective and there are a lot of people that truly believe in and subscribe to the philosophy of creating wealth in order to help others that are “less fortunate”.
I have to wonder why if their plan is so successful, why they are spending so much time and effort selling the plan rather than executing it. Could it be that selling the plan is more profitable?
We have some very good friends that came by to visit us and share their new business venture with us. They told us how they went to the seminar and were impressed with the presentation so they bought the “starter kit”. They were so impressed and so desirous to participate in a program whose very foundation is to create wealth so you can bless the lives of others, that they traveled to various cities around the country to attend further training seminars. Now they have set up their LLC, printed their fliers and are anxiously waiting for the phone to start ringing. This particular program helps people who are in financial trouble avoid losing their home by buying it. They even have a nifty little magnet sign on their car that says “We Pay Cash For Homes” with their number on it.
They shared with us some moving stories they heard at the seminars about a waitress who through casual conversation with her customer mentioned she was a single mom with a $1000 mortgage payment, working 2 jobs trying to make ends meet. When she picked up the signed credit card receipt she noticed an error and ran out to catch her customer. He said, “There is no mistake. How much is your mortgage payment?” “$1000” replied the waitress. “And how much is the tip?” asked the customer – and the waitress broke into tears as she realized he had just given her this months mortgage payment as a tip.
The next story was about a homeless boy who was asking for some spare change and the gentleman he approached handed him a bill. The boy stood there with tears in his eyes as he saw the first $100.00 bill he had ever held in his life.
Our friends were proud to share that the person involved in both stories was the President of the company they are working with and how they can’t wait to be able to do similar things.
At first these stories are moving, inspirational and motivating (an excellent marketing combination) and anyone with a heart would love to be in a position or have the opportunity to do anything like that. Just hearing those stories feels good, so it must feel incredible to actually do it. Anyone who has participated in any altruistic act or act of kindness and generosity knows that it is a great feeling, but we still have the fact that what feels good is ego-based.
When I hear these moving testimonials for creating wealth to bless other people I keep going back to the examples of great people who blessed countless lives and I wonder when did Jesus of Nazareth say, “Be ye therefore wealthy so ye can bless the lives of those who are not”? I haven’t read anything to that effect in the Bible, the Tao Te Ching, the Bhagavad-Gita, the Koran, the Talmud, the Essene Gospel of Peace or any other scriptural book I have read.
Do these wealth creation programs work? Sure they do – if what you want is to increase your income. However, if “Energy flows where attention goes” as Dr Serge Kahili King says – and it does – Where is energy focused on a wealth creating program? On creating wealth!!
The nobility of the principle of creating wealth in order to bless others cannot be discounted or questioned. The Universe (God, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit, Goddess, or who or whatever greater force you believe in I will refer to as “The Universe”) uses all of us to bless the lives of others in many ways. The world is in need of people who can give 1000-dollar tips and 100-dollar gifts. People who show that type of generosity will certainly be blessed themselves, but these are “in the moment” or “short-term” blessings. So as we remove Ego from the equation, we see that these stories are marketing tools to focus our attention (therefore our energy) on creating wealth in a way that meets the basic criteria for “goodness” regardless of your spiritual or religious background and it has huge “feel-good” (ego) appeal. If you want to increase your income and improve your lifestyle, that’s great! And if that is what you want, you should do it. But lets be honest with our self and focus the attention appropriately. If our intent is to create wealth in order to bless others, and we truly desire to bless others, we have a recipe for failure from the start due to a conflict of focus. If our intent is split between 2 goals, as is our focus, neither gets the benefit of all available energy to bring about fruition.
Throwing money at a problem is seldom, if ever a solution, it’s a band-aid. So the people who sincerely want to help and bless the lives of others that fall for the marketing of “creating wealth to bless the lives of others” have done them selves a grave disservice. By focusing attention on creating wealth, that is what they will do. So now, they can – if they have the strength of character to actually do so – go around passing out band-aids to be placed on cancerous sores. At best they can hand out a temporary fix to an ongoing problem.
At times, “blessing others” through monetary generosity can do more harm than good. When I was about 14 years old, I left home (ran away sounds so dramatic) to see what the real world lived like. I packed my backpack, strapped my pellet gun to it and hopped on a bus to Tuxpan, Veracruz on the gulf coast of Mexico. I arrived in the evening and met some friends in the Zócalo or town square just as I was wondering what the hell I was going to do for the night, and they invited me to stay at their place. We walked for miles to the outskirts of town, paid a few centavos each and climbed on a pickup truck which took us into the hills a few more miles, then we walked over cow paths to the house …hut. It was late and I was tired, so I slept in my sleeping bag on the dirt floor that night with some chickens and a couple of pigs. In the morning I met the rest of the family – all 8 of them and I was better able to survey my surroundings. The Gomez family lived in a shack made of stick walls with mud used to fill the cracks; it had a corrugated tin roof with a main room, a kitchen and 1 bedroom. The bathroom facilities consisted of a hole with a semblance of a structure around it with a sheet for a door. There was no running water so it had to be brought from the well about 300 yards away. The Gomez family lived on a large piece of property (about 20 acres) that had been in the family for generations. The oldest son who was married lived in his own shack about 100 yards away. The rest of us - Doña Carmen (mom), Don Roberto (dad), Luz Maria (17), Raul (15), Beto (14), Freddy (11), Carmelita (6) and myself – lived in the hut I just described. Now in spite of the extreme poverty, they were a very happy family. Don Beto made a living by renting a truck from a friend and using it to transport cattle for the nearby ranchers and the auction yard. He would use the money he made to pay the rent on the truck and the rest was his to take home. Doña Carmen had her hands full with chores around the house and preparing meals. The boys and I were in charge of milking the cows, and getting the cows and horses down to the pasture for the day (where we had to watch them so they weren’t stolen). Meals were very simple but the Gomez family always made sure I ate enough. It was like it gave Doña Carmen a huge thrill to see me eat her cooking. After the first week I started asking where LuzMa was or Beto, or whoever was missing when we ate and I finally found out that they were all taking turns not eating so I could eat at every meal. Needless to say once I learned that, we all took a rotation and I spent a lot more time hunting for food in the jungle. We ate some weird things those days – even for them – but if I shot a couple of parrots we had parrot and rice, if I happened to sneak over to the next village and shoot a chicken, we had chicken and rice. We had feasts of martin, armadillo, iguana and we raised our own chickens, geese and cattle and we all helped in the garden so most of the meals were pretty conventional. Don Roberto was a handsome easygoing guy, never in a hurry. One day he told me to come with him into town, so we made the trek. On the way I asked where we were going and he said “you know that plot of land over on the second hill with the big Mango on it”? “Yes” I replied - I had mentioned several times how much I enjoyed sitting under the mango tree and just looking out over the grassy hills and watching life ease by. “Well it’s going to be yours” Don Beto said. “You are family to us, and no matter what happens in your life, you will always have a little piece of property you can build a house on and raise a garden and some critters on.” “We are going to the Notary office to have it put in your name but Ill be the trustee until you are 18”. He explained that his children would get the rest of the land and he was sorry he couldn’t give me more, but this way he knew that I would always have a place to live. Now to put things in perspective, my allowance back home was more than he made in a week. I had more clothes in my closet than they all had put together and this man was taking me to have part of his inheritance put in my name so I would always have a place to call my own. To say I was blown away is a gross understatement. We got all the paperwork done and he paid his days earnings to the notary and it was official. I was now a landowner and part of the Gomez family.
In all it was a wonderful, happy time. The only way I knew we were poor was because I had a different background to compare it to, but we had a lot of good times. One day Don Roberto and I were walking to the far pasture and we cut through an orange grove. The trees were in bloom and the sight and smell were just incredible. Don Roberto sat down and said, “Here, sit down.” “These blossoms are only here for a few days and if we get too busy we will miss them. Today we are going to enjoy them before we go get the horses.” So we sat for what to a 14 year old seemed like forever, but I admit, I enjoyed every moment of that pit stop. It wasn’t until much later that I realized Don Roberto was teaching me to slow down and smell the flowers. At the time I thought his priorities were messed up, but later I realized he had them just right.
I would go into town and call home every few days and update my family on what I was doing and before long my whole family came out to Tuxpan to spend some time with this wonderful, generous family. I returned home after a few more weeks and over the next few years we developed a close relationship with the Gomez family.
As I mentioned earlier, my father is a generous man and his philanthropic undertakings have been a boon to many communities in the U.S. and Mexico. I learned later that my dad after meeting this great family that so generously took me in as one of their own, purchased a great big new Dodge truck with a bed rigged for hauling cattle and gave it to Don Roberto. Now I was impressed with my dad; his gift was in monetary terms more than Don Roberto would ever see in a lifetime – literally. But I was glad that dad was so generous and willing to “bless” the Gomez family that way. Now Don Roberto wouldn’t have to rent that dilapidated hunk of junk for the unfair amount his “friend” rented it to him for. Now Don Roberto could really get a business going with the auction yard and the local ranchers. They were set, and dad had shared his wealth to “bless” the life of this wonderful family. But this fairy tale has a different ending. About 6 months later, I heard that one of my dad’s employees had gone to Tuxpan to deliver a truck. I asked him why he took a truck to Tuxpan and he told me Don Roberto had been in an accident and rolled the truck so they had it taken on a flatbed to Mexico City to be repaired and Jorge had just returned it to Tuxpan. I didn’t think much of it until about 5 months later I heard that Don Roberto had been involved in another accident and the truck was totaled. This time, dad wasn’t willing to fix it. I was a bit upset with my dad at first, and then I learned that Don Roberto on both occasions had been drunk and in the company of several prostitutes. The sudden wealth had gone to his head. He was seen as a very rich person in the area because he had not only a truck, but a brand new one. Suddenly women wanted to ride with him as well as other things. To make a tragic story short, the once happy, united family came apart like a rotten burlap bag. Don Roberto left his family and things went downhill from there.
In this case the truck was a band-aid. There really wasn’t a cancer, just humble living conditions that we would judge as poverty. If the band-aid gives the person a false sense of wellness, then the band-aid itself can cause the cancer and if the cancer under the band-aid kills the person, what good was the band-aid?
Now this doesn’t excuse anyone from the responsibility of his or her choices nor does it imply responsibility of the person applying the band-aid. In fact, it doesnt detract from the noble kindness or its spiritual rewards to the giver either. It merely illustrates how blessing the life of others through money isn’t necessarily a blessing.
On the other hand, being who you are and giving of your self, your talents, time, love, concern, etc. will always be a positive contribution or blessing.
Truly living in Barbequia is just that – a positive contribution to others by being who you are and sharing that with pleasure.
My wife and I have a friend who is a very talented stylist that commands a lot more than I have ever paid for a haircut. He knows that we would not ordinarily visit his salon, but every few weeks he will call and say “Heather and I would love to have you over for dinner this week and you are probably ready for a trim (or in Rachel’s case a color touch up etc.). What day works for you?” We go over and enjoy a great dinner with our friends and get a haircut. Invariably we would let them know how much we appreciate it and invariably they would express what a pleasure it is to do it for us.
A fashion conscious person could have taken pity on our lack of style and given us each 40 dollars and said “here, I would like you to go get a cut and style” which would be a very nice gift and while a bit awkward, it would be appreciated. However, the difference is huge between the two scenarios. In the first case, Keith and Heather (who prepared dinner) shared a part of them with us, so we were not only the recipients of a cut and style, but also of a part of who they are through what they do. The positive influence or blessing to us is much more than the gift of dinner and a cut and style – It is the friendship, love and pleasure with which they share that energizes the gift to the level of blessing lives vs. a mere gift.
In the story of the Gomez family and the truck, while the gift was incredible, and was given in a spirit of love and with the very best intentions, it was still just a gift. I often wonder if logistics had been different and my father had the opportunity to share who he is through love and friendship with time in lieu of or in addition to the truck, if things may have turned out differently. Maybe Don Roberto could have seen how wealth requires a very high level of responsibility, and maybe a bit about the entrepreneurial thought process as well as a plethora of virtues, strengths and weaknesses that dad could have shared with him. Maybe my father could have avoided some heart surgery later down the road had he learned from Don Roberto how to stop and smell the orange blossoms or maybe he could have experienced how happy they were in spite of the fact that they had very little in terms of monetary value.
While this is all mere speculation, completely inconsequential at this point, and could well be filed as “coulda shoulda” in file 13, I think it illustrates how blessing the lives of others through our wealth is far less effective than doing so by sharing who we are with them. In the Barbequian scenario, both parties win as both participate in the sharing, as it is inevitably mutual if we are open to the fact that everyone has something to teach us as well as something to learn from us.
Going back to the great people in history, they all shared their philosophy to bless others, not their money. They share their understanding and enlightenment by example and teaching.
A beautiful example of balancing wealth and sharing is The Foundation for a Better Life. A wealthy family that funds a foundation dedicated to sharing good principles to help make this world a better place. They don't take donations and they don't make gifts. They use their money to promote a better life. Rather than explain it, I will invite you to visit their website via a link on the "Internet Links" page of the Barbequia main website.
